I was an active kid but I never cared much for organized sports.

Ok there was that one time, during the spring of 1998, when my dear Aunt Lisa signed me up for the Waltham Youth Soccer league. It was fun and I had a blast but that was the last time I played on a youth sports Team or any type of organized sport as a young child.

I moved to the Prospect Hill Projects in Waltham, Massachusetts back in 1999. A little over two years after immigrating from Haiti. From what I remember, I was always outside. This was before the days of cellphones and iPads. Most of us would run around all day riding our bikes and roller blading throughout nearby streets.

Do kids even play outside anymore?

I can’t even count the amount of times I fell and rolled down the hills. I still have all the scars to prove it. During weekend nights, we’d run around in the dark and play Relievio (a version of hide & seek). I never enjoyed the New England winters, but during the spring, summer and fall months, you could find me outside running around with the other kids in the Projects.

My mother, unknowingly exposed me to the importance of being physically active. She started driving very late and would take me and my baby brother on long walks all over Waltham for errands and to visit family member across town. On several occasions, we would also go to the local track where she would do her own little workouts while my little brother and I played around on the grass and ran on the tracks. Not having a driving license did not stop her from getting up and getting things done or keep her sedentary.

At the same time, many of my elementary school classmates would talk about their Pop Warner, flag football, little league baseball or soccer games. I always wondered if I should have bugged my parents more often to sign me up. We were poor as hell but I know they would of supported me and signed me up if I really had annoyed them enough.

In my early teens, my active lifestyle slowed down. Most of my peers in the Projects and at school were now interested different things like sports or basketball. I didn’t have much to say in the conversations about, “who made the middle school basketball Team” or “who wants to ball in the Projects later?” I got into video and computer games and became the go to guy in my family for computer repairs. I became that computer nerd and knew way more about computer hardware and software then I should have. It was also the times of free trials for AOL dial up internet and AIM. My old AIM screen names, statuses and conversation are so cringe worthy!

I became way too sedentary before I knew what the word sedentary meant.

I was never overweight or out of shape but I always felt like my body didn’t measure up to some of my peers. Puberty and hormones was not cute for me. Middle school gym classes and locker rooms were definitely the beginning of my body image and self esteem issues where I would often compare myself to the more athletic guys.

During the summer before my Freshmen year of high school, some friends encouraged me to step outside of my comfort zone and join the Freshmen football Team with them. I was so anxious and nervous but I knew I wanted to be fit and be one of the boys. I gave it a shot. My football skills weren’t great but the practices and strength training sessions kicked my a**. Results were slowly showing mentally and physically. I couldn’t describe it then but I started feeling good.

The summer before my Sophomore year, I wanted to improve for the upcoming football season so my Project friends and I signed up for this summer strength training camp aka the Vittum program. It was expensive but I knew, it would help me get physically prepared for the upcoming season. I worked part time at one of the local supermarkets at the time and recall spending several of my paychecks for the program and to purchase a bunch of Muscle Milk. They were expensive but well worth it for the focus I was putting into my exercise routine and workout.

The more time & energy I devoted to fitness, the more I saw and felt the physical and mental improvements it provided. I had no idea it would carry me through my darkest days.

In September 2007, I was just beginning my Junior of High school and it was my third year playing football. My father passed away after a two year battle with cancer. My household was reduced to three people: me, my mother, and my little brother, who was six at the time. The next few months following my father’s death are still indescribable & very emotional to think about, even today.

It was a drastic shift with challenges, uncertainty and decisions no sixteen year old should ever have to make. One of the decision I made on my own free will was quitting football to help with household bills but most importantly help my mom take care of my little brother. She so much to help get us by. I used to hold on to many ill feelings at the fact that most of my high school years were robbed due to my fathers passing. But I did the best I could do at the time for my family.

It was hard times but I knew I had to get back to my fitness habit, I knew how good it would make me feel mentally and physically.

I made a conscious effort to lessen the depression that I naturally had by prioritizing myself with the little time or resources I had at that point. During one doctors visit, I could recall my pediatrician wanting to prescribe me anti-depressant pills. I had paid enough attention in health class and recognized the dangers and long term effects of depression pills, mood stabilizers, etc. At the time, I knew fitness was my restorative action. I knew I could pull out of it.

I began working part time on a regular basis and babysat my little brother often after school. Time was very scarce so I convinced my mom to put a bench press in our small living room. These were my early Amazon ordering days and I found an affordable workout bench and weights that could fit in the space we had.

This was a saving grace because there wasn’t enough time between school and or babysitting my little brother after school. Having the equipment in the house helped me prioritize my wellbeing but also allowed me to help around the house. I also purchased the Men’s Health Homework Bible to help me out. I had to get creative to prioritize myself to show up the best way I could for my family at the time.

At this point, I realized that fitness wasn’t about being into sports or an athlete. It wasn’t about comparing myself to anyone else and feeling less than. It was about prioritizing me and ensuring that I am in the best mental and physical health to tackle whatever life brings my way. At any given time.

Mental health is greater than physical health.

Please always speak up to a loved one, your doctor or a mental health professional if you need help with your mental health. There are many virtual or mobile app mental health services like TalkSpace & Better Help. Check them out!

Thank you!

Dinach